Ask a Care Manager: What to Expect When Your Parents Are Aging
December 7, 2025 | Caregiving
Liz Heape-Caldwell, BS, MBA, CMC: Certified Aging Life Care Manager
Many of us remember reading What to Expect When You’re Expecting—a trusted companion during pregnancy that walked us through every milestone with reassurance and clarity. But now, years later, we find ourselves in a very different season of life. Our children are older, our parents are aging, and suddenly we’re thrust into a new role: caregiver, advocate, and organizer of a complex and unfamiliar system.
This time, however, there’s no manual.
Instead of chapters neatly outlining what happens next, as adult children we often find ourselves juggling full-time work, teenage schedules, and the ever-changing needs of our aging parents. One doctor’s appointment turns into three. A small concern becomes a major decision. Our constant worry we once reserved for our children, now runs parallel with our growing concern for our parents’ health and wellbeing.
If this sounds familiar…..You’ve officially entered what’s known as the “sandwich generation” though if we’re being honest, it’s a sandwich that often feels soggy, overstuffed, and lacking any sense of structure. This stage of life is often tiring, overwhelming, and is rarely talked about in a way that helps adult children prepare for what’s coming. However, it can also be the most rewarding.
So, what is the Sandwich Generation? The Sandwich Generation refers to adults who are caring for their aging parents while still raising children. Many of us are navigating difficult school assignments with their children, receiving late-night calls from the ER, balancing pediatrician appointments with cardiology visits, and trying to meet everyone’s needs except, often, our own.
The toll that this dual role takes on us is extreme. According to the National Institutes of Health, “Sandwich generation caregivers were more likely to experience financial difficulties, emotional difficulties, and report higher caregiver role overload.”
And they’re right. It’s not just the physical demands that wear you down, it’s the emotional weight. It’s the guilt of feeling like you’re never doing enough. The grief of watching a parent, someone who was once such a force, now becoming dependent on others.
Then there is the fear that you’re missing precious moments with your kids because your mind is still back at the last medical appointment you attended with your mom or dad. It’s the quiet hope that, somehow, your family believes you’re holding it all together, even as the seams begin to stretch. You begin to pray that your stress doesn’t show. You don’t want your loved ones, the very people you’re trying so hard to help and support, to see you fall apart. So, you smile. You push through. You show up.
So, the million-dollar question….How do adult children prepare for this transition?
First, don’t underestimate the emotional toll and don’t try to do this alone. Ask for help. When we try to carry everything on our own, we don’t just do a disservice to ourselves. We shortchange our parents, siblings, children, and even our spouses, who want to be part of the journey, not just bystanders. We are not meant to suffer in silence and handle everything, alone. So, ask for help. Talk to your support network, lean on them. Next, reach out to formal organizations to help reduce your burden. It is important to recognize that asking for help isn’t a weakness, it’s wisdom.
Also, know that it is ok to have a day where you just need to be still. A day filled with staying in your pajamas, watching Netflix, and ordering your favorite meal. Sometimes, giving your body and mind a pause, is exactly what you need to recharge and tackle the next obstacle.
Next, be prepared to be overwhelmed by the medical system. Even as a care manager, navigating the healthcare system while my mom was in crisis, was eye opening. Take lots of notes, trust that you know your loved one best, and do your own research for care options. We are often trained to accept medical opinion/recommendations as fact; however, it is perfectly ok to ask for second opinions if something does not sit right. Don’t be afraid to stand up and be an advocate.
Finally, to help navigate the chaos, it is helpful to have a plan. You will never feel fully prepared when a crisis occurs so, anything you have in place ahead of time will be incredibly beneficial. To start, you can discuss:
- Who pay’s the bills? If Mom pays, does Dad know how? If not, it is probably time to learn.
- Is there a list of monthly bills & due dates?
- What about logins & usernames?
- If something happens, where do your parents want to be, i.e. home or facility?
- What are the resources to pay for care? Do they have long term care insurance? If so, how do we start a claim?
- Doctor’s names & specialty?
- Current health conditions?
- Is there a signed authorization on file with the doctor’s offices for a member of the family to speak with them in a crisis?
- What medications are they on?
- What health insurance do they have?
- Who has Power of Attorney for Health? Who has Power of Attorney for Finances? Do both parties have copies of these documents?
Being in the sandwich generation is not easy, in fact, it is probably one of the hardest things I have ever done. Yet there are moments that make it all worthwhile. Moments like my brother animatedly walking around my parents’ room, sharing his colonoscopy journey in an attempt to lighten the mood after a stressful morning. Or the FaceTime call from my daughter proudly showing off her newly dyed pink hair and Grandma’s too. These moments make me profoundly grateful for each and every day I have with my parents. I will never take this time, or them, for granted. But, I also understand I could never do this alone. I am profoundly grateful for all the supports we have in place to include my brothers, their spouses, my husband, and all our children who stepped up in ways that I never could have imagined. Also, my parents amazing friends who are always there at a moment’s notice. Finally, the professional homecare supports that have allowed my mom some of her independence back and my dad to have some time on his own.
For me, this support didn’t take away the worry over my parents, but it gave me room to breathe and there were days that felt like everything.
Liz Heape-Caldwell is the co-owner of Elder Options and a Certified Aging Life Care Manager. Firmly planted in the sandwich generation herself, Liz draws on both her professional expertise and personal experience to guide families through times of uncertainty. As both a mother and a daughter, she deeply understands the weight, and the privilege, of supporting the people who matter most.